Sometimes people think they are doing the right thing by taking the utmost care of a person who drinks alcohol regularly. The alcoholic asks for a drink because he or she feels bad, and a loved one, spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend, mom or dad gives him or her what he or she asks for. They do everything they can to make him feel good. Even though it doesn’t make the relationship happy and healthy. In such cases, they talk about codependency and alcoholism — a very dangerous situation where instead of treatment, the patient only increases his addiction.
We know about how to get out of the vicious cycle of alcoholism. But to do so, you need to read the article and realize that you have a codependent relationship with your alcoholic. When you are ready, we look forward to seeing you at New Breath Recovery. Our rehab is located in California. Here, we have all the facilities to rehabilitate your loved one. As part of family therapy, we can help you work through your co-dependency issues as well.
What is Alcoholism?
Alcoholism is a disease that is manifested by physical and mental dependence on alcohol. The patient is unable to control the amount of alcoholic beverages he or she drinks, needs to constantly increase the dose to achieve a sense of satisfaction, and experiences painful withdrawal symptoms when there is no access to alcohol.
According to the latest data from the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, there are approximately 28.9 million people in the United States who suffer from alcoholism, 28.1 of whom are adults over the age of 18. This includes 16.6 million men and 11.5 million women.
What is Codependency?
Codependency is a special pattern of behavior towards a partner who is addicted to psychoactive substances, has a mental illness or leads a lifestyle that is socially reprehensible. Usually it is manifested by self-sacrifice, an overwhelming desire to control the life of a loved one and solve all problems for him/her. Very often such relationships are formed in a marriage, when one spouse suffers from alcoholism, and the other takes care of him or her without taking effective measures to combat addiction.
How Alcoholism Enables Codependency
This can be best illustrated by a simple example of relationship development.
As it usually happens with people forming couples or families:
- people get to know each other, mutual feelings arise;
- fall in love;
- the next big step is living together;
- In a healthy relationship, one partner relies on the other, nourishes them emotionally and spiritually;
- one of the partners has something going on: problems at work or school, dissatisfaction with life or loss of a loved one — he seeks comfort in alcohol;
- because of the feeling of love, the second partner justifies the alcoholic’s dependence with any arguments, even if they do not stand up to any criticism;
- alcoholism progresses and the other partner begins to feel guilty about it;
- the alcoholic does not stop drinking, and the co-dependent partner, because of shame, guilt or the need for a false sense of control over the situation, continues to live with him and does not take effective measures to treat the addiction.
It turns out that in many ways codependent relationships are caused by past feelings, guilt complexes, or the desire to control the alcoholic’s life.
How Codependency Enables Alcoholism
At first glance, it may seem that codependency is a form of caring for someone with an alcohol addiction. In fact, it is not. Codependency is an unwillingness or inability to adequately address the problem. By indulging the weaknesses of the alcoholic, the codependent person provokes him to drink even more. This leads to the fact that codependency and alcohol addiction form a closed cycle. In this case, there is a gradual destruction of both personalities: the one who “saves” and the other who needs help.
Common Patterns and Signs
How do you realize that you have developed a codependent relationship with an alcoholic? The most obvious sign is that the regular use of alcohol lasts for a long time. How long is long? Take a few months as a starting point. If your loved one does not make any attempts to quit drinking during this period, it is possible that you are not helping him or her and are in a codependent relationship.
Below we have listed the signs that you can recognize that a loved one is abusing alcohol and you are indulging them in it.
Signs of Alcoholic Behavior
How to recognize an alcoholic:
- alcohol is consumed 2 to 3 times a week;
- you can smell the odor of booze;
- the person has lost or gained weight;
- the appearance of a loved one has deteriorated, he or she looks older than his or her years.
There are universal guidelines that allow you to understand whether or not there is a problem with alcohol. For men, 15 or more servings of alcohol per week or drinking 5 or more servings at a time are unsafe. For women, these “norms” are even lower: 8 and 4 servings, respectively. Portions are defined here as, for example, a 12 oz bottle of beer or a 5 oz glass of wine.
Signs of Codependent Behavior
If there are clear giver and taker roles in your relationship, this is a clear sign of codependency.
What else should be alarming:
- a constant sense of self-blame for what is happening, even though it is not you who has alcoholism;
- you or your partner deny abnormal behavior and alcohol problems — you tell everyone that you are doing well, even though you are not;
- you glorify your relationship with your partner, give it a special sacred meaning, see it as the main achievement of your life;
- you easily find reasons to justify your partner’s drinking, even though there are none and there can’t be any;
- you are constantly doing things for the addicted person to the detriment of your own interests from before.
Even now, reading these lines, you may feel an inner resentment. But don’t hurry to close the page, find out what you can expect further from such a relationship.
Impact on Relationships
In any relationship, partners should complement each other, they change their lives for the better. But in the relationship of an alcoholic and a codependent, everything is completely different. In them, one person causes serious damage to their physical and mental health, and the other suffers and cannot do anything about it.
Sometimes you need to say STOP. Sometimes it’s worth fighting for your partner. What decision to make? This article explores how to approach such a dilemma and provides helpful guidance.
Effects on Partners
Codependent relationships within the family are difficult to recognize on their own. It is difficult to agree with this, because you can always respond to any remarks: “I love my husband, no matter how he is”. Or vice versa.
As studies of codependency level assessment and quality of marital life have shown, in 41.25% of cases in couples where one partner suffers from alcohol addiction, the second partner was strongly attached to him emotionally. In the remaining 48.75% of cases, there was moderate codependence. It is not difficult to calculate how many people are able to defend themselves in a relationship with an alcoholic. The same studies gave an unambiguous answer: the quality of marital life is significantly worse in the relationship of a codependent and an alcoholic.
Effects on Children
Children become victims of circumstance. In a relationship where there is a giver and a taker, there is no room for normal parental love. In families of alcoholics and codependents, the focus is all on the alcoholic and his or her needs. This greatly increases the risk that children growing up in such families will suffer from attention deficit disorder. They often become insecure and their personal lives are modeled after their parents’ behavior.
Treatment of Alcohol Addiction and Codependency
Since alcoholism and codependency are directly related, each needs to be addressed. Alcoholism can be cured and codependency can be worked on with a psychologist and psychotherapist. All of this can be done within the framework of treatment programs at New Breath Recovery. We use an individual approach and modern techniques that give good results. Among other things, you can apply to the rehabilitation center if your loved one suffers from a dual diagnosis. What is it?
Dual diagnosis is a condition in which alcoholism is caused by a mental disorder or, on the contrary, mental health problems have caused uncontrolled alcohol consumption. This complex condition requires specialized dual diagnosis treatment approaches, making it much harder to treat, and even more so, it should not be done on your own. Residential treatment is necessary, which can be obtained at a rehab center specializing in dual diagnosis treatment programs.
Recovery programs include medication detoxification followed by comprehensive psychotherapy. With constant monitoring of vital signs, safe and effective treatment is provided on several fronts at once.
At New Breath Recovery, you can find the right rehabilitation program for yourself or a loved one. Don’t put it off until tomorrow.